Let me preface this. The transgender community has been God's greatest gift to me. Not only should they not be left behind, they should be leading the way. In times past, they were often revered. In our society today, transgender persons are often the individuals that receive the most discrimination from the church.
Sitting at a lunch counter in Lynchburg, VA in 1999, I had the honor and privilege of meeting Judy Osborne. That encounter propelled me to a new level of understanding regarding people's differences, as well as our commonalities. Arriving in Lynchburg to confront Rev. Jerry Falwell about the spiritual violence being preached from the pulpit felt personal to me as a bisexually oriented, self-identified lesbian, and my desire was to share that religion-based oppression must end. Judy was the first transgender person that I had the "awareness" of knowing, and that magical moment forever changed my life, pushing me beyond my personal regret about the church's oppression of gay and lesbian persons.
Since 1999, I have continued to have the opportunity to educate those in religious institutions and organizations regarding how to be inclusive of transgender person.
Following is my response (which now contains some additional comments), shared with a professional diversity trainer and a person on the diversity committee for a church in Washington. Roby and I attended the church on Diversity Sunday (by invitation from our friend, Dawn Prince Hughes). Roby shot the cover for Dawn's book, Songs of the Gorilla Nation, about her journey of being autistic (she has Asperser's). Dawn's book is remarkable, as she shares how her work with the gorillas taught her how to more effectively connect with humans. In a similar and yet somewhat different way, I feel that the transgender community did for me what the gorillas did for Dawn.
Following is about my conversation with the diversity trainer after our visit. I was concerned because it was Diversity Sunday, and although many groups, which normally experience discrimination, were mentioned and welcomed, including those of "all sexual orientations," there was no specific mention of those of diverse gender identity and gender expression.
Following is what I shared:
You asked about my concern regarding gender identity/gender expression not being mentioned on Diversity Sunday, and asked how that differed from not mentioning "autistic" people. For your consideration, the distinction I would make is that "autistic" people (and others who fall into a minority type of category such as this) have not been marginalized, ostracized and/or denied membership in churches because of their distinct difference of being transgender.
More spiritual violence is committed against transgender persons than gay and lesbian persons in churches because, in general, gay and lesbian persons can "hide" (Ok ... I know ... some of them are not as "hidden" as they think); however, when someone knows a person as a male and this person fully transitions to a female, or vice versa, it is difficult to hide anywhere. It is apparent to those who originally knew them that they are no longer the gender they knew them to be, and therefore, it is necessary for transgender persons to address the issue, at least with the people who knew them previously. Granted, some transgender persons simply flee the church and never risk trusting that they would be accepted (and for good reason). Others, on the other hand, so love their church that they risk everything because they sense that people's understanding will not shift and change until they come to know a transgender person of faith. Wow, imagine that! To risk everything to BE WHO YOU ARE! What a novel concept! (: Don't you feel the sense of how close to Jesus the transgender person is in this situation?
If they move to a place where nobody knows them and begin a new life, they might not encounter discrimination, but this most often happens ONLY if they "pass" (fit in so well that no one is able to discern that the gender in which they present is not the one into which they were born). If they do "pass," most of the time they will not encounter discrimination ONLY if they keep quiet and don't disclose their transgender status.
What fascinates me about this process is how I often get to witness the baby beginnings of "the natural essence of spirit" coming back into a person when they transition and become "authentic in their skin" for the first time in their life! Most transgender people, (even more so than gay people because they can "hide" in the churches) have thrown the baby out with the bath water. Religion has so harmed them that they don't want anything to do with it. What I have observed, however, is that when transgender people transition, acknowledging themselves to be transsexual,(male to female or female to male, whether they are pre-op or post-op), they often begin to discover this natural spirituality that shows up in their life ... a yearning for that which is deeply and divinely connected. When they actually have GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) which I refer to as GAS (Gender Affirmation Surgery), because in the bigger picture, the end result is an affirmation of who they are, they truly seem to connect with a deeper sense of their spiritual being-ness. This initially scares many because they are afraid that this "new feeling" of connectedness is somehow aligned with religion, and all they know is that religion often previously harmed them at the soul level.
Scenario ... a male choir director comes to the pastor and tells the pastor that "who they have known themselves to be" all their lives is "Alice" and not "Harold," and that they have decided, after much therapy, prayer, etc. to accept themselves as their divine female self, and are therefore going to have GRS, and that they want to continue as the choir director. They are simply becoming who they have always known themselves to be. Many churches have no understanding around gender identity and/or gender expression issues. And, obviously, in this case, there is a need for education to take place for the staff/congregation where they can ask questions and have the opportunity to come to a new understanding (or not). This becomes particularly hard if the choir director in that church has never been other than a male (in the history of the church). Of course, the "inside" of this individual is the same person, with the same talents and gifts.
A further scenario ... not only are they transsexual, but since their "sexual orientation" has not changed (it usually does not but that is a deeper discussion for another time) and they were always attracted to women and still are, they are now in the category of "lesbian" because that is what "women who love women" are considered in our society. And this can even frighten the transgender person who is still putting all this together as well! They sometimes don't realize (even though this is covered in the two year period where they have to dress as the gender to which they are transitioning before a doctor will sign off for their surgery) that once they transition, they will then also often deal with sexual orientation issues (and another good number discover they can experience being bi-sexual with a preference for one or the other gender, which is what many of us, as we discussed on that Sunday at your home, might discover without the cultural barriers). As well, if they get into a new relationship, it can be as if they are going through puberty. Why? In many ways, they are. Once their identity is consistent with who they know themselves to be, then their sexual orientation comes up for evaluation, just like it did for many of us as we came into puberty in our teens. Sexual orientation is much more fluid than we have previously been taught in our society, and given the option of "choosing," (meaning they allow themselves the journey of discovery and awareness regarding who they are erotically attracted to, which is what sexual orientation encompasses), people often experiment to see where they comfortably fall on the spectrum. This can be quite confusing for the transgender person, as well as those close to them. Religions do not care if the label is "women loving women" or "lesbian" or "gay" or "men loving men"... they simply don't have the tools to yet understand and therefore are not inclusive and react out of fear, no matter what these same gender persons who love each other are called.
Anyway, that is why I feel that "autistic" not being mentioned is not the same as "gender identity and gender expression" not being mentioned. Education around these issues is an area in which I assist churches . What I have discovered is that "open and affirming" churches who have come to accept gay and lesbian people are often still behind when it comes to being inclusive of bisexual persons (even though that is part of sexual orientation), as well as transgender persons (gender identity, of course, being different than sexual orientation).
All of the "categories" which are mentioned as part of your mission (included on your church website) are most likely included because there has been marginalization/discrimination in these areas in the past in many churches, and therefore, in view of the diversity which your church cherishes and the inclusiveness they want to express, they have specifically named these different ones. As a person who works with churches to educate in this area, adding "gender identity and gender expression" to that list is one that I would recommend adding.
If I can be of assistance in this area for your church, please let me know! I facilitate a half day and day long workshop on sexuality/gender identity for churches and organizations. Having come to know so many transgender persons through my work, I have witnessed firsthand the discrimination they face and I have a passion for advocating for their being specifically welcomed and included in our churches, as I know how vitally important having the opportunity to have a spiritual home of support (if one chooses that) can be to a person's emotional and spiritual well being. Additionally, I know from my own experience how much the transgender community adds to the consciousness and awakening of individuals with whom they interact, as well as to the overall fabric of any group into which they integrate.
I want to share with you about my conversation with a pastor that Roby and I recently had. It wasn't until our meeting with him was over and we were home that I said to Roby "I think that was the church that she (the diversity trainer) mentioned she did some consulting with." Anyway, the story about how that meeting came about is for another conversation! The bottom line is that a variance of sexual orientation exists within his own family.
Another bit to share…I had dinner with one of your friends the other night. I met her because she joined us at the home of a lesbian couple, whose home we had gone to for dinner. She said that she goes to church with you. I told her I had visited there and she asked if it was when she was preaching. I told her no, but that perhaps we had met at the AIDS auction. Anyway, we talked A-Z that evening, so I shared my feedback regarding churches and the specific inclusion of transgender persons. The lesbian couple is very active and in leadership positions (and known to be a couple) at their Methodist Church. You may know them. If you don't, I believe you would enjoy their company ... and vice versa. Their church is still not officially a reconciling church, though their church is known as being marginally affirming, but not in any official capacity like you all are for people based on sexual orientation. One of the women was elected to a lay leadership position as an "out lesbian" for the United Methodist district. She asked me "Don't you think there are times when we have to take it slow and some may be left behind while we are doing this?" I answered her with a question, "If the situation were reversed and it was the transgender persons who were in the position you are in, would you want to be left behind?" She and her partner both stopped, and were essentially speechless for a moment, saying "Well ... when you put it that way, we see it differently." Of course they do! Who wouldn't? I don't know a person in this world who loves being treated poorly, ostracized, demonized and/or hated simply for being authentic.
I thought you might be interested in the following. I asked Jamison Green (whose book, Becoming a Visible Man, just won the top award in transgender books for 2004) for his feedback. Jamison and his wife, Heidi, are friends and visited us over the holidays. He shared that when it is said that all are welcome, regardless of "gender identity and gender expression," then the transgender community will indeed feel welcome. I say "Amen."
Not knowing the relationship of Koinonia to Habitat for Humanity is analogous to not knowing the relationship of Jackie Kennedy to Caroline and John Kennedy. Yes, Koinonia gave birth to Habitat for Humanity. Knowing about this important birthplace, Koinonia, is important because, without it, millions of lives would not be touched.
Per an invitation from Ann, one of the hospitality directors at Koinonia, we visited this community outside of Americus, Georgia, agreeing to speak to their group.
After spending only a day and a half there, there is no doubt in our mind that this was as important as any stop on our Gay Into Straight America journey. Watching the movie about the history of Koinonia sent chills down our spines. Clarence Jordan, the founder, was a man ahead of his time. He was insistent back in the 50's that blacks and whites comes together in community, eating, working, playing and worshipping side by side.
Our history books miss a great opportunity to educate us about the impact of this community that pre-dated the civil rights movement in the south. Fifteen years before Martin Luther King's time, this community was setting a precedent for relationsi between races who had been segregated. That created an environment which caused them to be physically and verbally attacked on numerous occasions, as people accused them of being evil people and Communists. The reality is that they were living out the principles of Jesus, rather than talking about them. That threatened many in the surrounding Christian community, dotted with Southern Baptist Churches. The Ku Klux Klan regularly bombed and torched their buildings, shooting at both children and adults. That this community has continued to exist for over six decades is a testament to the non-violent principles and love and compassion of those involved. Clarence Jordan was a visionary, whose grasp of Greek, helped him to discern the Bible in ways to which people were unaccustomed. Rather than using the Bible to control and manipulate people, Clarence understood that its intent is to bring together of diversity together. He wrote the Cotton Patch Gospels.
We were fortunate to have been asked to speak about our journey, GISA, on Thursday evening after dinner. Before dinner, we were reading in our book, If Grace is True.
Not only were the people at Koinonia receptive to us, they celebrated our journey. They were inquisitive, asking many questions on how they could be a more welcoming community. They shared that their website states that people, regardless of their sexual orientation, are included in that welcome group. We suggested that they add "gender identity/gender expression" to that group.
Following is a portion of the email we received from Ann only days after leaving Koinonia Community.
"Hi Dotti & Roby,
I am enjoying getting your e-newsletters now. I just read the article about Koinonia, it's great! I thought you would like to know about a few additions to our website... spurred by our conversation last week... go to www.koinoniapartners.org and you will see a line near the bottom of our main page with our updated statement of inclusivity...yay!"
It was heart-warming for us to see that they added "gender identity and gender expression" to their inclusivity statement. We have no doubt that if Clarence Jordan were alive today, he would be welcoming, affirming and celebrating GLBT persons, knowing that a Bible used to demonize is as inexcusable today as it was in the 1940's when he brought diverse races together to work, play and worship together. Clarence understood that religion-based oppression was wrong and inconsistent with the Jesus he knew
Visit their website and make a commitment to visit them outside Americus, Georgia. www.KoinoiaParners.org.
Dear Dotti:
Please forgive me for talking so long to answer your welcome communication. I have been on the road and away from email for several days. We will soon be printing a welcome to persons of all sexual orientations and identities in our weekly order of service bulletin. I'll keep in mind that other ways should also be examined to be as welcoming as possible. Thanks for the suggestion.
Best, Pastor David Keyes
Dotti Berry is a coach, consultant, and trainer who is finishing her doctorate in human sexuality. She presents at transgender conferences such as Esprit, Fantasia Fair, IFGE, & Southern Comfort. Dotti says, "I serve as a mirror for you to see what is blocking your ability to shift, reflecting your inherent wisdom and allowing you to awaken, be conscious and empower your potential in life & relationships." Click here & claim your complimentary GLBT Coach™ Newsletter for singles and couples, filled with tips and exercises for developing life & relationship skills. For dynamic coaching programs and workshops, please visit www.GLBTcoach.com or email me at dotti@GLBTcoach.com. You may contact her for reprint rights.