Taking a seat at the lunch counter, though not the one during the civil rights era, nonetheless changed the direction of my life. That action continues to serve as a metaphor for allowing me to see beyond the confines of my cultural conditioning.
I was out before Ellen was in. I thought my worldview was fairly diverse. Wrong!
My comprehensive education began that day at the lunch counter; my unconsciousness was awakened. Today, I continue to sit down and have lunch with a variety of people, firm in my conviction of justice and equality for all, yet ready to listen and engage with those whose beliefs differ from mine.
That led to me embarking on a yearlong journey, Gay Into Straight America, the initial project of Stand UP Speak OUT, Inc. My spouse, Robynne Sapp, and I are committed to engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections, and dissolving differences that separate us. As we listen to and share stories with people who are wrestling with their understanding of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, we remember that you cannot hate a person whose story you know. I strive to remember that this axiom cuts both ways.
"Leave no person behind" is my running mantra, and this includes our magnificent transgender community. I embrace this community as the one whose individuals should be invited to lead the way, because you can literally change our world. Transgender couples who have discovered new ways of communicating, and being in committed, intimate relationships, should be the leading experts on Bush's marriage panels if he is serious about altering the divorce rate in our country. With Southern Baptists leading the way with the highest divorce rate, perhaps it is time to consider that their "traditional values" are in need of a tune-up. I suggest that transgender couples could work with them one-on-one, coaching them in discovering new ways to flourish in their marriages.
The paradox is that people must know you in order not to leave you behind. People must know you in order to invite you to lead. And society must know you as individuals, rather than as a "collective community" in order to let go of their fear and lack of understanding. Individuals touch lives and souls. Minority communities, without the faces of individuals, can be easily pushed aside, as evidenced through history. Why did Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks change our world? They shared their humanity, their face, their soul, and that could not be denied. Their authentic connection to all of humanity served to dissolve many differences between the races.
Just as young men taking a seat at a lunch counter created change, this act with Judy ignited a friendship fueled by sharing and caring, creating in me a passion for the transgender community. That journey has led me to presenting at Fantasia Fair, Esprit, Southern Comfort, and for the first time at IFGE in April 2006.
Perhaps you are now saying, "OK, I understand where the ‘lunch counter' comes into the equation. Where does a mosaic fit?" Fair enough. When I was at Southern Comfort in September, there was a beautiful mosaic that had been created by a diverse group of transgender women at a workshop. It was offered as one of the raffle items. I REALLY wanted this beautiful art piece. Holly made this suggestion, "Talk to the individual who wins it if you don't. People are sometimes unable to take art home if it is too large." I could not imagine that anyone would part with this beautiful mosaic, but I took her advice. Before I could finish explaining that I was facilitating groups for SO's and transgender couples at the Southern Comfort Conference, and how much I admired the mosaic, she said, "Would you like to have it?" I was speechless, and broke into tears, saying "YES!"
Lunch counters and mosaics? Together, they provided me with connected threads of consciousness, imploding the walls of my culturally imposed boxes. I gained new tools for co-creating love and understanding. I deconstructed my foundation, leaving fear and unrecognized judgment behind. The individuals within the transgender community, who have entrusted me with knowing them, remain the greatest gift of my life. Each time I speak to an individual or group on our journey, Gay Into Straight America, I share your stories which have led to transformation, letting people know how much we have to gain from transgender persons.
Dotti Berry is a coach, consultant, and trainer who is finishing her doctorate in human sexuality. She presents at transgender conferences such as Esprit, Fantasia Fair, IFGE, & Southern Comfort. Dotti says, "I serve as a mirror for you to see what is blocking your ability to shift, reflecting your inherent wisdom and allowing you to awaken, be conscious and empower your potential in life & relationships." Click here & claim your complimentary GLBT Coach™ Newsletter for singles and couples, filled with tips and exercises for developing life & relationship skills. For dynamic coaching programs and workshops, please visit www.GLBTcoach.com or email me at dotti@GLBTcoach.com.
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