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14. I know what it feels like
to be judged a sinner


While I was suffering for years from a strange and puzzling illness, a beloved family member wrote several letters telling me that I could get well if I would "quit my sinning." My sins were sins of dress and hair style. I knew then (and still know) that I am accepted and loved by God, for God's own Spirit affirms that truth to me. But I know how frustrating it is to be told, "God cannot accept you because you do not live the way I interpret the Bible."

I am sure I have done my share of making people feel rejected by God with my own narrow interpretations and, for that, I am truly sorry. If I would have followed Jesus' new commandment to love others just as Jesus loves me (John13:34) and, if my church could have trusted God to do the judging, I believe my brother might be alive today.

After an intense day of debating this issue in our conference (April 1995) that ended with a majority vote to make the Germantown Congregation a "second class" congregation, we ate dinner at a local restaurant with one of our friends. As we shared feelings and experiences together, he said, "I always enjoy the peace of the 'back roads' of the countryside, but today I will be glad to get back to Philadelphia where I can feel safe again." Quite an indictment on a church meeting where we were urged to "hate the sin, but love the sinner"!

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